this is how all things were destined to end.

In an act of being dumped,

i too dumped microsoft for google.

lexchew.blogspot.com

be there.

cheers

It has been a while since i barely have the time to blog. For I am beginning to feel that it's very redundant. I know this point will come.

Well, it would have been our 1 year anniversary in a few months time. We have been through so much. Everything imaginable and unimaginable.
Im just typing this in sort of a dear diary fashion.

i'm back in the days when my blog was filled with dreadful thoughts, saddening plans, and a dim future. To be honest i don't expect anyone to understand me, as I don't understand myself either.

I will not try to defend myself here. I am selfish. Humans are. Who can truly say that they put others' interest higher than their own. They always have excuses. I have to protect my family first before others. I have to protect my grades. It's getting competitive. Cos it's a dog eat dog world out there.

But i have always tried to play the right cards. I tried. Well, as this world gets more complicated, we can see more moves which underlie so many different plans and most of them are strategically tactical.

We're all in a some sort of fight. At this point of time, I am not sure how i will be able to endure it.

Sometimes I just regret being born.

I regret a lot of things. As the photographs flash by, I regret being at certain points in time. I regret not acting a certain way. The scary thing is that, it's not because i didn't think that caused me to react in that way. It's because i THOUGHT through it, and my judgement was wrong.

Sometimes you just wish that a popup window will somehow appear and there's an OK button at the bottom, that indicates " press ok to continue ".

But other times u just stare at the clock and seconds ticks away.

who am i?

it seems that all the social norm which i thought exist are not really there.

Everything is ok now. Everything. With me out of your life. You should be happy. For i have brought you so much trouble. to your family. everything will come to an end.

Everything will be good after i disappear.

If the love is not there anymore, there's really no point.

I need to get out of myself this time. So sick and tired of all this.

In short, Im selfish, possessive, and very demanding. Im a slob who is not street smart and a coward when being confronted. I don't deserve anything other than being looked down on others. And certainly being judged by others should make me buck up but i didnt. instead i choose to wallow in self pity and waste half my day blogging in a space where nobody reads.

when i was asked to live for myself, i don't know how. how am i selfish if i dont know how to enjoy myself ?

i feel like sleeping all day. i want to fast for a week. see how thin can i get. just for the sake of trying out. since i have been fat since i was born. let's see what mr. god has to do with me now. im gg to defy that fat factor.

somebody said that i looked unhealthy. and i am sloppy.

Sigh. it's so sad that we judge others so easily.

i hope there's some goodness in some people.

It's like there's still tis area where kids dun need to study n uncles roam the streets with beer n groundnuts.uncles n aunties saying hey this tall boy used to be very fat & short last time.some recognise.some i do..some real relatives..some neighbours..the rain is so loud..causing a continuous roar when it hits the cheap metal temporary awning.i seem so out of place.tomorrow gonna be better.with the wedding being held at a village's restaurant,im sure to be able to tast some local delicacy..nt to mention the rowdy uncles im gonna meet..and risk of hepatitis B when sharing food at the same table as them.

hw addicted am i to internet? In this run down village, i try to turn on my wireless and scan for wireless.absurb.

kids seem to stop n stare at me for a long long while.im the tallest largest living person around..when i sit here, they seem to use my thigh to be conveniently their support when they zip around.

these aunties n uncles are playing mahjong, bt i tink it's called la-mi.they actually print poker cards on those tiles.n this game apparently supports up to 5players on a four person table.the dialect which they use seem to be from another time, another place.

this was the house where my aunty lives. Her chicken-running-around-to-dining-table-edible record processing time is 12 min(i timed her 1 year ago, maybe she improved). One moment she's chasing after one of her chickens at the backyard, the next,she's slitting the throat,next u'll see blood..and then u can see her defeathering it..then u can bring home liao.. This is called kampung chicken

this is certainly one part of the society which not many have experienced or have known of..what is their motivation? What drives them? Wat are they after? The girl who is getting wed is 18. The guy looks like he's 17.what are they thnking?

The media plays such a huge influence here. They're so naive.. The first business idea which i think would have worked on them- will be sadly network marketing..the whole village would crumple overnight.

Anyway seems tt most of families-which look normal on the outside are dysfunctional on the inside.divorces.alcholics.gamblers.most of them are addicts to a certain extend. Addicted to money. Cigerrates. Time. Fashion. Beauty products.Properties. I was bewildered to be reminded that i belong to this group of people. They're my relatives. They my own flesh and blood. Not some long lost relatives. Bt direct relatives.some got married young.some remarried. Some cannot study.

i guess the relevant question is - how do they get out of cycle of poverty? Education? How do u break out of it?

A thought came through my mind. Can i start up a business where i include every single one of them? I guess there'll be problems. Duh. Perhaps there's no solution to this problem.really.

perhaps we cant solve all the problems in the world.

perhaps that's why we feel so good when we help people. when we connect to the right channel in helping those in need.

1 more week before my trip.

Wow. this must have been the longest period which i have paused blogging about life, and actually live it to the max.
Lots of things happened. got my airticket to Us. And to mexico respectively. Going back to Ipoh to work/play right after my paper. My us visa app is on the way, and gotta start working on mexico's.

erm, studies have not been so good. Have been struggling in finance etc. But have had a real chat with the tutor. so things should be alright since i am finishing my web projects this weekend and pia my studies.
the film is up. yes. after 2 nights of intense editing. 2 days of intense soaking in the rain during filming. Gotta change shoes everyday. god. i really want to become a director. heh. one day. one day. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dAFRajaT3Dk

Web projects have been good. no other words to describe it other than steady. clients trust me. and i must live up to it and not screw it up.

basically this company offered me to do his web projects when his clients want them. He mainly deals with prints and tvcs. I am more than willing to. I am happy that he decided to give me this chance. i believe it's mostly the timing and fate.

I am starting to think about my path. yes. the career path. Start company. work for ppl. Start company. I already have a plan.

Basically my acer has been giving me problems. And has died. the graphics. sigh. But God has plans. seriously. Today, this morning, i went down to acer service centre, and i couldn't get it done. And one of my clients gave me one of the macbook pros lying around. He drove me to his house and gave it to me. I really don't know what luck am i in. I have been dreaming countless times about me exiting the apple shop with an imac/macbookpro in my hands. Ha.

Now i have it. I thank god. he is really powerful. The projects have been great. Some print projects. Some web ones. Gotta honour the commission which I promise ppl too. 10% of total project cost.

Well, dun really have time to blog. cos really. din have time to sleep.. how to blog ?

seriously. i cant wait to work. yes. I know how u feel about being a student and all. I say that's crap. I am sick and tired of being in a pool of students trying to outdo each other academically but yet they know nuts about the working world. u know . it's like. hey. u can present your spanking theory on marketing. But i am sure if u're in the real world, u'll dissolve into a mcflurry. I hate those ppl. talk only.

Happy for sylvia. found a job. Will pray for her.
my dad has been calling me. tt's good.
mum.. hmm.
nephews got hand foot mouth disease. thankfully recovering liao.
2008 has been great. yes. it has been. last 2 months. it's ending liao. good or bad also ending liao. 2009 is rolling in like the storm hitting us without the slightest hint when we were shooting our race scene at limchukang.

the ppl around me are REALLY studying. u know. line by line. line by line. Salute. respect.

i guess tt's what differentiate me from them. I thank God i have the necessary skills. At least i am confident i have them.

EQ is what i need to brush up on. my emotions.

gotta start running. thanks rick for getting cheap sports shoes for me. ha.

my marketing group has been fantastic. Good learning attitude. they're good ppl. hope they can find a job when they grad this sem.

made some new friends there. got the other group really made an impression on me. Good job the bread company. ha.

looping a beautiful mess by mraz.

bass not working. sigh. 4 weeks since we jammed ?

god bless america. obama. ha.

god loves us all. live well all of ya out there.